I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Drunk is a universal language darling
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
