you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
