I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize