When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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