hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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