Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
