I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
