fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
