my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
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Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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