dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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