hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
