Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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