And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
