I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
