I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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