Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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