I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
