Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
