apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
