I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
