How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
