Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
