so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
