it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
