i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
