Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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