I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize