All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
