wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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