ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
