I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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