I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
cat food counts as protein by the way
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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