I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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