We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
