She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
