We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
