if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
