So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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