also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
