No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
