Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
