She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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