We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
