I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
