I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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