It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
