i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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