He had one of those small greek statue penises
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
