As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
