In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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