In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I checked into jail on foursquare
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
