Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
