I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
