mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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