he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
