Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
