I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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