you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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