Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
