I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Still dying that you shit outside
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
