whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
