At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You were trust falling into bushes
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
