Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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