o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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