Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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