Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
