That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
