Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
