he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
