I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
