my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
