so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
