I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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