I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
