I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's never too late to be topless.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
