he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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