Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
