I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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