like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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