Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
