I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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